This masochistic ritual involves taking the whole clan (excepting those currently incarcerated, lost at sea or undergoing "gender-correction" surgery) and setting off for some exotic land, preferably one with no law against relations between Man and Aardvark. Invariably, these holiday excursions end in some kind of diplomatic tragedy - like the time Cousin Mortimer Techeye attempted to mate with the Kremlin - but the upshot is that we never visit the same place twice.
This year the clan had planned to venture intrepidly forth into the heart of European darkness - Liechtenstein. Techeye is naturally attracted to the country's wild banking culture and lurid trade in dental products, but it was in fact our alpha wench, Big Mama Techeye, who decided that this was the year we'd visit "the most huggable of nation-states." This bold statement, however, led to a claws-out argument among the wenches of the clan as to whether Liechtenstein was, in fact, more huggable than Lesotho. The ensuing melee saw blood drawn, nails cracked and several garrotings, but the ladies reached no conclusion. They did, however, unanimously vote Vatican City "home of the creepiest hug," and this act of unity put an end to their animosity.
Unfortunately, following all this senseless (but entertaining) argle-bargle, there was no way the whole family could visit Liechtenstein without some kind of -icide crime occurring, so in the end we decided to compromise on some place large and loud, where the local populace would be fat enough to make us look skinny by comparison. Thus it was that the Techeye family spent its holiday in Texas.
We're still waiting to see which family member will violate local (or natural) law most egregiously, but in the meantime Techeye has picked up Apple's new Iphone. As most of you already know, this shiny gadget is part phone, part multi-media center and part smudge-collector. At the moment, the software it runs is as annoyingly proprietary as the Ipod's, but, as in the latter case, some interesting third-party programs are sure to pop up soon. l
