Re: Answer to answer.

My Dear Black Swan, My Dear Joan of NC, My Dear Angel,

Indeed, I am a BASTARD who makes Angels cry during Christmas time. God will not forgive me this. I should have been thinking earlier about consequences of sending you these letters. I am not special. You are idealising me now. Actually, I am two dimensional as you have already noticed. I love or hate. This is the main reason why I cannot accept your special gift, your friendship, because sooner or later, I will not only love your beautiful soul and mind, but will also desire you and will not stop thinking about you. Please believe me. I know myself. Usually, men are not good at multitasking like women, especially me. It will destroy my marriage and happiness of my family. Every night my younger son tells me, 'father I love you'. I cannot lose this. I am too selfish. My family is the meaning of my life. On the other hand I am so grateful that somebody like you, somebody special like you, has offered me friendship. I do not have so many friends due to our emigration. I do have only ONE friend in Poland, but his a man who helped me a lot in my life. I admire him. This is the Catch-22, but I have to be honest with my wife and you. She will not understand that I have a woman friend. Her father left her mother and her when she was only 2 year old. You would not believe, but she had a dream that I was cheating her !!!

I will hate myself to the end of my life for what I did to you. Please forgive me. I will conspire and pray all my life in helping you to find your Legend, your happiness, your real husband, your real lover, your real freedom. I do believe that we are all connected in the Universe. You can call it scientifically entropy. I can hear your breath even now.

Please I BEG you. Cherish your fiends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things and places. Love and be loved.

'Zaprawde, nigdy kochanek nie szuka
nie bedac szukanym przez swa ukochana' Rumi.

I am NOT leaving you. You will find my thoughts and feelings in poems by Herbert, Poswiatowska, Koziol, Cummings, Twardowski, Levertov, Eliot, Jesienin, ....., books, movies, paintings, places, maybe faces of other people. Please read two poems today by Herbert:

Dojrzalosc
.....
bezradni jak dzieci
i doswiadczeni jak starcy
jestesmy po prostu wolni
to zanaczy gotowi odejsc
.....
and Epizod.
......
- nie placz
- badz dzielna
- popatrz wszyscy ludzie

wydymasz wargi i mowisz
- powinienes byc kaznodzieja

i zagniewana odchodzisz
nie kocha sie moralistow.
............

You will be always my Black Swan, my Angel, my Joan on NC, my Lioness, my FRIEND.

Your forever Niccolo

PS. I will travel to Florence and find you with your true love. I will be smiling passing you both. I know it !!!